


Masked Intruder

by worriedpeach (skeletonflowers)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: First Meetings, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M, Obsession, Phan Fluff, Phanfiction, Pining, Robbery, dan is a NERD, phil is nice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 23:44:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9351842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skeletonflowers/pseuds/worriedpeach
Summary: Dan is a robber who steals valuable objects nearly every night. When he goes into a flat decorated with plants and stuffed animals, he can’t seem to keep himself away. Dan’s not used to pretty boys stealing things of his own; especially when they steal his heart.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: stealing, breaking/entering, cussing  
> A/N: I’d like to thank my roommate @sourmojo for giving me the idea to write this fic (based off of the song, Hello Beautiful by Masked Intruder) and also @insanityplaysfics for being my lovely beta. That summary is the worst fucking summary I’ve ever written but I love this idea so much and I hope you do too!

It was something that Dan was proud of, as fucked up as it was. He just couldn’t get enough of everything about it; the thrill, the little prizes he got out of it, hell even the news broadcasters. No matter how hard he tried to get away from his lifestyle, he always ended up going back. His own addiction, his very own little secret. Besides, it’s not like anybody was getting hurt in his escapades. Just himself and his own conscious, but that he could deal with.

So what if he broke into houses and stole objects he found compelling? They were just objects and humans should be able to get over the loss of something so materialistic. Rings, money, antiques. Stealing those didn’t harm anybody. In fact, they should be grateful for Dan. He helped people realise that family was far more important than items.

Dan didn’t necessarily know how he got to this point in his life, where he just went to other people’s houses to steal meaningless crap, but he couldn’t be more thankful. One day he was just a silly little teenager trying to be edgy by sneaking into places he wasn’t supposed to be in, and the next moment he was a twenty-five year old man breaking and entering all to steal that new movie he’s been wanting for weeks. Some would say that he was stupid for risking going to jail just for a movie, but Dan didn’t give a single fuck.

He lived for the thrill, thrived on it, loved knowing that he was right underneath the cops’ fingertips and they still couldn’t find him after ten years of the same games. The cops were smart, but Dan was smarter.

Which is how he found himself crawling through the window of a random flat at one in the morning. He’d had his eyes on this particular building for days, watching, waiting for the right time to take what was now going to be his. He’d always liked to learn a little bit about his next victim, from when they usually went to bed to when they left for work and even if they had any animals he had to look out for.

This particular flat owner was stupidly easy to break into. There were no animals Dan had to worry about. They lived alone, went out every Friday night until the morning came, and on nights they were in, their light shut off at approximately ten o’clock. Easy peasy. Dan had little to nothing to worry about, especially since the person was away doing who-knows-what on this gorgeous Friday night.

Even knowing the flat owner was out, he still made sure to be unnecessarily quiet. Dan wasn’t an idiot and there was always that sneaking feeling that anyone could walk in during any point in Dan’s little adventure.

He set his feet on the carpet as quietly as he could, listening to the soft thud that he made and pausing for a moment, listening. It was dark in the apartment, as he thought it would be, but he wasn’t going to turn on any lights so he just let his eyes adjust for a moment. Everything was a different shade of grey, the shadows jumping out at him and trying to force him outside of the foreign place. He didn’t listen to them and began to venture farther inside, leaving the window open slightly just in case he had to make a quick escape.

Once his eyes adjusted, Dan noticed that he’d landed inside of a bedroom with a huge wicker bed, a blue and green duvet that was definitely a matching set to Dan’s own black and gray one thrown haphazardly across the mattress. There were random pieces of clothing messily left on the floor and random stuffed animals sitting on the night stand. Dan raised his eyebrows at this. Did he stumble across a teenage girl’s room?

He didn’t have time to think about this, though, and snuck over to the door, hoping to find his way to the lounge some way or another. He didn’t necessarily know what he was looking for today, but he supposed he could always figure that out as he took a glance around.

The rest of the flat was decorated exactly like the master bedroom, with splashes of colour and little trinkets and stuffed animals on nearly every surface. There was also a concerning amount of plants in every corner, some of them thriving and others browning at the tips of their leaves. Dan found the entire thing endearing, if he was being honest. What kind of grown up had an apartment decorated like this?

Dan didn’t know but he really liked it. It was refreshing to see an adult still able to enjoy child-like things.

He walked into the kitchen and stopped at what he saw lying on the counter. A landline? Dan thought in disbelief. Who the fuck uses a landline anymore?

Apparently the owner of the apartment for some unknown reason.

There was a bright red number 2 that blared unhappily on the machine, casting shadows of red on the walls and making it look like they were bleeding. The owner had two missed calls with voicemails, and Dan was crossing the kitchen before he could stop himself. There was a pull in his chest that was yelling at him that going through someone’s personal stuff was wrong, but he shut it up by reminding himself that he literally stole things for a living. He couldn’t start getting a conscious now.

Glancing around and cocking his head to make sure there was nobody in the apartment still, Dan clicked play. The first voicemail was a woman, her voice giggly and somewhat demanding.

“Hey Phil! It’s Louise. I was wondering where you are? Peej and I are at the bar waiting for you. But knowing you, you fell asleep and are running late again. I guess I’ll try your cell now then. Love you and hopefully I’ll see you in a few minutes!”

Dan furrowed his eyebrows. So the owner of the apartment was named Phil and he went to the bar with a guy named Peej and this Louise girl. Was Louise his girlfriend? She said that she loved him but that didn’t really mean anything. Dan told his friends that he loved them all the time.

Shaking his head, he pressed play for the next message.

“Hey sweetheart, I saw a jumper with a dog on it and it reminded me of you. Give your mum a call back one of these days, okay? Love ya and I’ll see you next weekend!”

The last message was obviously Phil’s mum, and Dan could hardly help the chuckle from escaping his throat. His mum thought of him when she saw a dog jumper? Sounds like the kind of guy Dan would like to hang out with.

But he’d wasted too much time. Looking at the clock, he found he’d already been in the flat for thirty minutes which was way too long.

Dan cursed at himself and his stupidity, making his way back to the lounge to see if there was anything he could grab really quick. He shouldn’t have been so careless, so reckless. Maybe then he’d have been able to leave with something of sustenance.

But as it was, Dan grabbed the closest thing he could find - a Wii remote - before leaving the same way he came in. Dan made a note to come back again sometime, that way he could get something of more value than just a dumb Wii remote. He couldn’t just leave with nothing in his hands or else the entire night would have no point to it at all.

-

Much to Dan’s dismay, he found himself back in Phil’s flat the very next weekend, remembering what his mum had said about how he was going to see her. He didn’t know if that meant Phil would be out the entire weekend so he waited until he was absolutely certain that Phil was out of the flat before sneaking back inside.

The very blue bedroom greeted Dan like an old friend, practically ushering him inside with the nostalgic feel to it. He stepped inside and stretched his arms above his head, popping his back with a satisfying crack. Smirking, Dan allowed himself to start snooping almost immediately, looking through every drawer that he could possibly find while keeping an eye out for an early return from Phil.

His hands found the various knick knacks he was expecting, everything from a swimming trophy from 1995 all the way to a random bag of seashells. Dan cracked a smile at that one, shaking his head rather fondly. Who even needed a bag of seashells? He didn’t know why that was necessary, but apparently Phil thought they were important enough to keep.

 

He also found more intimate objects; a little package of coloured, ribbed condoms along with a small bottle of lube in the bedside drawer, and something that looked scarily close to a vibrator. Why did this strange man have a vibrator and lube in his bedside drawer? Dan didn’t know and he really didn’t want to know. It was his fault for going through Phil’s drawers in the first place, and if a stranger had more of a healthy sex life than he did then Dan wasn’t going to try to stop him.

Dan slammed the drawer closed, shivering and turning his attention elsewhere. His eyes came across a little row of framed pictures, ones that featured various groups of people or animals. Dan allowed himself to look over them, noticing that there was one man that was a constant in each picture. He wondered if this was what Phil looked like.

Black hair that fell in a soft looking fringe which made Dan seethe with jealousy. Bright blue eyes that shone different shades in each picture. A wide smile that lit up the photograph, his tongue poking out between his teeth.

Dan felt his entire body flush red because he thought he’d just laid eyes on the most beautiful man he’d ever seen. There was a photo of the man - Phil? - with a chubby brown dog, his face squished up to the dog’s face. Before he could even think about it, Dan was grabbing the picture with greedy hands and putting it into the little sack he carried around with him.

He was out the window before he could even consider the fact that he’d once again left without a valuable item, opting instead for a picture of a man with a dog.

Somehow, Dan still thought it was worth it.

-

It became a weekly thing.

Dan would sneak into Phil’s apartment, look around for too long to be safe, before leaving with something less than valuable. One night, he left with a Kirby plushie, another night he left with a book. It was becoming all too addicting to be going into Phil’s house just to leave with a dumb item that would then make a home on Dan’s own dressers and bookshelves.

He wasn’t proud of himself. He was something that people would call obsessed, and it was an entirely new feeling that he wasn’t sure he liked at all.

Tonight wasn’t different in the slightest. Fridays were his ‘Phil’ days, where he’d make his way over to the familiar apartment. He would slide open the window and scour the place for little items that showed who Phil was as a person. From what he’d seen so far, he found that Phil was an animal lover. He liked video games and reading and had a weird obsession with house plants, mainly cactuses. There were bright colours all around the rooms and plushies of different games sitting in all of the nooks and crannies of his flat. Maybe it was no wonder why Dan found himself coming back, especially when he finally found someone that seemed the slightest bit more interesting than anybody else.

Dan always started his night off with listening to Phil’s voice messages. They were usually from that Louise girl, telling him off for being late once again. Occasionally, a man named PJ would phone, telling Phil nothing more than to give him a call back as soon as he could. Dan figured that these two figures were Phil’s best friends, if nothing more. It was relaxing to know that Phil was a real person with a real life.

Tonight was just like any other night in the Phil household. Sneaking around in the darkness, running his hands over anything he could touch. It shouldn’t have been any different.

Except it was, and Dan hadn’t been prepared in the slightest.

“Hello?” A voice called through the darkness, and Dan jumped so high that he banged his head on the kitchen cupboard. He swallowed a hiss and tried to look around for a safe place to hide, coming up empty handed. “Is there somebody in here?”

Dan resisted the urge to call back to the voice, to tell the man with sarcasm dripping from his voice that no, there isn’t anyone in here at all, but he didn’t think that would be smart, nor appropriate in the least. Instead, he did the smartest thing in all of existence and dove under the table, trying to make himself as small as possible, which wasn’t exactly small at all when he had noodles for arms and legs. He curled up into a ball, wrapped his arms around his legs, and waited.

His breathing was too loud and he could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears. There was the sound of padded footsteps, and then the light flickered on, making Dan tense. He might have been able to get away with being under the table, unseen, if the light had been left off, but he was pretty sure he was going to jail.

And to think it was all because he couldn’t stay away from some dumb guy’s house.

“I know there’s someone in here,” the voice - Phil? - called again. “I won’t call the authorities, if that’s what you’re thinking.” A pause. Dan held his breath. “I just want to know why you’re deleting my voice messages?”

Dan could have laughed at that. Out of all the fucking things, and the man came up with that? It was almost too good to be true, too pure. Dan didn’t laugh though. He bit his lip as a pair of legs came into view directly in his line of vision, clad in black skinny jeans. Dan shivered. That pair of legs were definitely the finest pair of legs he’d ever seen.

Even if he wanted to see the man that he’d come to grow quite obsessed with, Dan still refused to move, even if he was sure that he’d pretty much been found out by now.

“I mean- Alright so I don’t really mind that you deleted my voice messages because I don’t really listen to them anyways? But I did notice that you stole my cactus and I was a little bit upset about that. I just want to make sure that Noochie is alright?” Phil cleared his throat. “Noochie- that’s my cactus. I was worried about him.”

You’ve got to be fucking kidding Dan. He named his mother fucking cactus? How much cuter can this guy get?

All too suddenly there was movement, and then the face that had been haunting Dan’s dreams was staring straight back at him, slightly curious and at somewhat of an awkward angle, bent over upside down just to look under the table. His eyes were wide and blue, so much bluer than in any photographs, and a smile on his face that was much too large to be looking at a house intruder.

“Hi!” Phil exclaimed, taking Dan completely off guard at how bubbly he sounded. “Are you the one who stole my Wii remote? Because I’d really like that back. I had four so I could play with all of my friends but now I’ve only got three and I really don’t want to go back to the store to buy another one. Have you seen how expensive those things are?”

Dan gaped at him, his eyes wide and his mouth opening and closing as he tried to figure out what he could say in response to something like that. Wasn’t Phil scared for his life? Didn’t he want to call the police on him? If there was an intruder in Dan’s flat, the first thing he’d do was grab a baseball bat and probably beat the shit out of whoever was in his personal space.

But nope, here Phil was, asking him if he could have his Wii remote back and if his cactus was okay. Dan’s heart was beating quickly in his chest, but he wasn’t entirely sure if it was because he was scared anymore. If anything, Phil was the complete opposite of scary. Dan had only just seen him in person and he could already tell that he was the equivalent of a happy dog.

 

Phil cocked his head to the side, furrowing his eyebrows. His eyes danced across Dan’s face and he cursed himself for forgetting to put on his usual black mask. How could he be so stupid? Why would he forget something so important to his identity? Phil could turn him into the fucking police and Dan would be going to jail for stealing a fucking cactus.

“I promise not to call the police if you get out from under the table,” Phil said with a small smile playing at the edge of his lips.

Dan wasn’t stupid. He got out from under the table, his limbs cracking as he removed himself and stood up to his full height. Phil straightened with him, looming tall and only a an inch or two shorter than Dan himself. Dan hated the way his heart fluttered at that. Stupid attractive boys and their stupid ways to get Dan caught red handed. “Why aren’t you calling the cops?” Dan asked flatly. There was a curious edge to his voice despite himself.

Phil seemed taken aback by the question, cocking his head to the side. A quick glance to the clock told Dan that it was 2:34 in the morning. Usually Phil wasn’t back by now so something must have come up. Or maybe he was waiting for Dan. Dan didn’t want to think about that right then, though.

“I mean, you haven’t really done much damage? I don’t think it’s a good idea to call the authorities when I could just confront you myself, you know?”

So Dan was right. He was waiting for him. Dan was a fucking idiot. “I could have been a dangerous man with an axe, waiting in your home to kill you.”

“If that was the case, I think I’d have been dead by now,” Phil mused. Dan blushed and looked at his shoes. “Besides, I don’t think dangerous men steal stuffed animals and cactuses and erase voice messages.”

Dan didn’t say anything. What could he say to that? It was true. He shouldn’t have kept coming back, but somehow he’d found that he liked being in Phil’s home, liked learning about him, maybe even had a tiny obsession with him. And having Phil right in front of him was almost surreal. But he couldn’t tell Phil any of that.

Phil let out a laugh and Dan glanced up just in time to find his head thrown back, an amused grin on his face, his pale neck exposed. Dan flushed from his cheeks all the way down to his toes. “Tell you what,” Phil began. He took one step closer to Dan and Dan took a step back, his heart roaring in his chest. “I’ll let you pay me back and make it up to me as long as you take me out to dinner.”

“What?” Dan asked, incredulously. He wasn’t entirely sure that he’d heard that right at all. Phil wanted Dan to take him to dinner? Wasn’t that a bit strange when Dan had literally been snooping around his house for weeks? He was practically a stalker.

Phil shrugged, feigning nonchalance. There was a sparkle in his eye. “Take me to dinner and I’ll forgive you for stealing my things and looking around my house.”

Dan scoffed and crossed his arms over his chest. “You want a robber to take you to dinner.”

“Yes? Would you rather I call the cops or something?”

“No,” Dan muttered. He shook his head, but there was something about the way that Phil was so adamant that made his lips turn up into a small smile. “Fine. But only because you’re blackmailing me.”

“I am not blackmailing you!”

Dan snickered, hiding his grin behind his hand. “Okay, Mister ‘come to dinner with me or I’ll call the cops’.”

“Well when you put it like that,” Phil sighed, sounding exasperated. He wasn’t though, judging by the way his eyes crinkled and his blue eyes shone. He put his hand out, waiting expectantly as Dan stared at it quizzically. “I’m Phil.”

Was he really expecting Dan to give away his identity so easily? Phil could very well just throw him to the cops as soon as Phil got him to trust him. Somehow, Dan didn’t think that would happen. With as much hesitation as Dan could possibly show, he reached out and grasped Phil’s hand, trying not to notice how Phil’s hands were so soft and how they were extremely delicate in his own.

“Hi, I’m Dan.”

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! Please don't ask me to write a sequel to this fic! I know you guys really want one, but I have loads of other things I want to work on right now so if I do write one, then it will have to be in my own time! Thanks for understanding <3


End file.
